Reuters Los Angeles, CA --In a bold and unprecedented move, future Hall of Famer and legendary basketball
coach Phil Jackson traded his next 22 years of first round draft picks for the rights to an infant boy born
last week at Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital in Northern California. Jackson reasoned: "It's time the Lakers
start building for the future. I need someone with the right set of genes, a guy who shows real promise.
There's a million guys out there that can dribble the basketball behind their back or who can hit the long
shot with his eyes closed, but I need someone with dedication, someone who can stay up all night and motivate
a household to do the same. Someone who's passionate cry commands a response, who's smooth 'delivery' is as
good as it gets, and who can shoot, pass, score and 'dribble' in his sleep."
Phil discovered his "future franchise player" after noticing a large bellied woman and a strikingly handsome
man stroll in to the Santa Rosa hospital on the evening of February 15, 2007. "The expectant couple was calm
and composed -- key characteristics of a future all-star NBA player," Jackson stated. It was later discovered
that indeed, the 9 month and two day pregnant lady was not rushing into delivery, but was just going in for a
non-stress test for the baby.
Midwife Cecelia Rondou commented, "I had asked Jamie to come in for a check, but when we saw that she was well
into her labor, we decided to ask her to stick around and see what would happen. It's a good thing I did!"
Indeed it was a good thing that the young mother stayed. After what was described as a "boring" 3.5 hours
wandering the halls of the hospital, labor pains kicked in and the baby was born 1 hour and 45 minutes later
in a frenzy of activity that Coach Jackson likened to "the final seconds of a tight play-off game." He was
impressed at the mother's good handling of a birthing ball and hopes that young Moessing was imprinted by the
early exposure, perhaps giving him an edge on the court in the future. Additionally, the boy demonstrated
great evasive skills - nearly wriggling out of the midwife's hands upon arrival. Commented Jackson, "Those
moves are what every player needs when he's up against the best defense players in the game." And at 8 lbs.
2 oz. and 21 inches, with long ball-handling fingers, the boy truly has the physique of a future NBA All-Star.
After several days of negotiations, parents Eric and Jamie Moessing decided upon a name that should hold its
own both on and off the court: Peter Stewart Moessing. His agents Audrey and Daniel Moessing already have him
on a busy schedule of appearances and promos (see lungsofsteel.com, 24hourfitness.com, and baller.com), and
are working on an appropriate nickname (though Daniel's current idea, "Little P" - as gauche as it is - is
sticking).
Though 22 years seems like a long time to wait, Coach Jackson is confident that it will be worthwhile: "Keep
the name Peter Stewart Moessing on your radars. He's a slam-dunk!"
His family completely agrees.
